Dearest Occupant: Your most recent attempt to write a nasty letter has been noted. Check the appropriate box best fitting your self- analysis.
is using your name. (Credit Sen. Stephen Young’s reply to nutcase letter writers.)
were first cousins.
at birth and your identity is suspect in Big Brother circles.
Sears doubleknit suit faded.
honor your Montgomery Ward discount credit card.
learned your degree from Papa Doc’s School of Veterinary Medicine has been revoked.
you, your wife thinks Don Knotts is handsome. (EQUAL OPPORTUNITY RESPONSE)
you, your husband thinks Roseanne Barr is a looker.
in a neighborhood with no inside plumbing.
blocks under your trailer are deteriorating.
in ________________(jot in Cleveland, Kabul, Ann Arbor, Noble, Ga., Hilliard, Whitehall, or appropriate Zip Code.)
Kmart created American cuisine and want me to agree with you.
is coming to visit you from the institution.
mental hospital is putting a half-way house next door and wants to share a driveway with you.
wants to change ____________(your street name) to either Mike Tyson Freeway or the O. J. Simpson Memorial Parkway.
is not sure about you.
demands identification when you visit home.
a native of the State of Michigan.
a possum’ in the middle of __________(your street) and now you can’t find anyone to watch for cars when you dine.
learned your broker put your father’s estate into Enron stock.
wanted to be a restaurant reviewer, but your priest and parole officer advised otherwise.
(Placard was posted over the cheap gin bottles at State & Fourth Grill,
Downtown Columbus, before the joint died of old age.)
Displayed courtesy of owner Sammy Harachis